TV Shows
Published September 1, 2022
Hashtag The Big Green Woman
by Rachel Paige
Earn Points, Get Rewards Join!
Jennifer Walters storms into Emil Blonsky’s holding cell. SHE’S MAD! Footage of him — not in prison, and as Abomination?!? — is circulating all over the news and it is for sure going to ruin whatever case Jen has been building for him. This is another crime and absolutely destroys whatever chance he had at getting parole.
Wait wait, Emil explains that he was forced to leave his cell, this wasn’t his choice. And who could do such a thing?
“Wong. Just Wong,” Nikki tells Jen because she is on the case trying to cyber stalk him. “His internet presence is a little chaotic. He’s either a sorcerer who lives in New York or a librarian who lives in Nepal…?” But don’t worry, she sent him a thirst trap (her holding a bunch of books) so he’s probably going to get in touch, soon.
Another cameo? Yeah, Jen knows it’s happening. “I know you can’t wait to see Wong, I get it,” She tells us, taking her hands fully off the steering wheel which is very unsafe and you should not try that at home. “I just want to make sure you don’t think this is one of those cameo every week shows. Except for Bruce. And Blonksy. And Wong. Just remember who’s show this actually is.”
At the GLK&H office, Nikki flips through news reports not focused on Abomination, but on Jen. Let’s just say the media is not being nice to her…even though her phone line is being flooded with interview requests. But, Jen doesn’t want to give any of them the time of day; she’s being distracted from her work.
Walking into Holliway’s office, Jen is greeted by none other than her former colleague, Dennis. Jen immediately protests working with him since the two have too much shared-work history. Another prosecutor, Mallory Book, is also dismissed because Dennis doesn’t want to tell his problems “to a 10.” So, by process of elimination, Pug is put on his case.
What is this case anyway? Well, as Dennis explains, he’s been defrauded. But why is it in the Super Human Law division? Turns out, the woman he’s dating, Runa, is a shape-shifting light elf from New Asgard. To be fair, he thought he was dating Megan Thee Stallion. Jen can barely contain her laughter when who should appear through a portal? Wong.
Taking this cue to leave, Jen and Wong head back to her office where he confesses that yes, he broke Emil out of prison. It was all part of his training to assume the position of Sorcerer Supreme and he needed a worthy opponent. Now that Wong’s cleared the air, welp, he’s good to go home!
No, no, Jen explains to him that as soon as the parole boards sees the video of Emil fighting as Abomination they’re not going to let him go. What to do? Well, Wong doesn’t really want to erase everyone’s memory because that got messy last time— but that’s neither here nor there. What about if Wong just shows up to the hearing and explains what he did? Sounds good to him, and he agrees to save “sorcery” as a backup Plan B.
backup plan fortnite
Meanwhile, Pug has now been tasked with trying to work on Dennis’ case. Turns out Dennis spent a lot of money on this light elf imposter, and Pug knows this isn’t going to be an easy case. After first leaving the office, Dennis then has a “change of heart,” and suggests that the whole case be dropped. Thankfully, Pug sees through this deception, and soon the light elf, Runa, reveals herself before rushing out of the office.
Back at the prison, Jen gets ready to make her case in front of the parole board, Emil, and also Emil’s seven soulmates who have also showed up. She explains to them that she’s got a witness who can speak to all of Emil’s wrongdoing…except that Wong is late.
Stalling for time, Jen suggests that Emil give his own statements before the parole board. Speaking from the heart, he feels like he has been rehabilitated and has changed emotionally, physically, metaphysically, spiritually, cosmically, inter-dimensionally…etc. Getting back on track, Emil has a place to live if he’s released and plans to open a meditation facility. As for funding, he’s relying on his seven soulmates for that.
Just in the nick of time, Wong shows up (sorry, he lost track of time!). As Wong explains, it wasn’t Emil’s choice to leave, but it was his choice to return to prison. Wong actually offered him sanctuary at Kamar-Taj but he declined, insisting on returning to prison and repaying his debt to society. While Emil’s case might be going well, what about the one against Abomination? Doesn’t he turn into a bloodthirsty monster when he transforms?
Hoping to put the parole board’s mind at ease, Emil transforms into Abomination and everyone absolutely freaks out (except for his seven soulmates). Cue: Screaming, crying, hiding…the full works. Jen begins yelling at him to turn back, but Emil doesn’t see what the problem is. He’s in full control!
Realizing she’s going to have to scramble, Jen uses this to her advance turning to the parole board to explain that clearly he could have escaped any time he wanted to, but chose not to. Instead, he stayed behind bars and learned his lesson so he could rejoin society again in the future. This is enough for the parole board to adjourn for the day, and they’ll figure out their ruling soon. (However, as for Wong, it’s noted that he facilitated a prison escape which is technically a crime. He takes that as his cue to leave.)
Let’s check in on Pug for a second, because he’s also scrambling for help. Turns out the light elf is the daughter of a diplomat in New Asgard so she should have diplomatic immunity. The judge points out that they’re not in New Asgard, and Runa is quick to point out that New Asgard is not a place, it’s a people. Unfortunately, Thor’s speeches are not admissible in court. As for Pug’s case, he’s going to have to prove that Dennis could in fact have been duped by Runa for the court to side with him.
Later that night at Legal Ease, Jen fills Nikki in on everything that happened and prays for the day this trial is over so she can go back to being a normal, anonymous lawyer…who also happens to be a Hulk. Nikki reminds her that the genie is out of the bottle and there’s no use trying to fight it. Pug slides into the bar with them (“Connecting the A and B story. Nice,” Jen tells us) complaining about Dennis, as Jen and Nikki chime in that he is terminally diluted and gross. Wait a second, what if she said that under oath to help Pug win his case?
Now in court on the witness stand, Jen says a laundry list of not nice things about Dennis: he’s self-absorbed, chauvinistic, conceited… she can go on. But the point Pug is getting to is this: is there any world in which Dennis could actually believe he could pull Megan Thee Stallion? Absolutely. Surprisingly, this is what seals the case, and the judge sides with Pug and Dennis, and sentences Runa to 60 days for impersonating a judge.
“Yeah, that’s right, there’s only one Megan Thee Stallion!” Megan Thee Stallion says from the back of the court. Another cameo!
On the way out of court, Dennis complains that he wishes there was a way to stop Runa from using her magic so she doesn’t harm anyone else. Even though she hates it, this does give Jen an idea as to what to do with Emil. She proposes that he wear an inhibitor, like the one Bruce Banner created, to stop him from turning into Abomination. To the parole board, this sounds good. He’s thankful for his release, and Jen is excited to go back to just being Jen again. Emil points out that no one’s going to forget about her that easy, and if she hates the story being told about her, why not be a part of it? Sigh, that means Jen has to do a television interview, doesn’t it?
Arriving home that night, Jen is jumped by a bunch of low-life dudes — the Wrecking Crew – each brandishing their own weapon, and the first thing she does is scream. And then she remembers she can turn into She-Hulk. Even though they all brandish their enhanced weapons, they’re no match for Jen who takes them all out one by one. As they flee, she takes a long, hard look at herself in a car window.
THE FUN TAG:
Jen walks into her office to find her new favorite client, Megan Thee Stallion. After signing some paperwork the two get down to actual business: twerking. “I would kill for you Megan Thee Stallion!” Jen yells, mid-dance, but this is too much for Megan Thee Stallion — “Ok, dial it back.”
Need a lawyer? Call 1-877-SHE-HULK, and follow Jennifer Walters on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and find Marvel now on TikTok!
The Hype Box
Can’t-miss news and updates from across the Marvel Universe!