During an episode of the Stone Cold Podcast, The Rattlesnake reminisces that one of the first matches he ever wrestled was against The Undertaker, who then, was about two years ahead of him in the business.
Twenty-seven years later, give or take a couple, Stone Cold Steve Austin’s boots are long hung-up, he is fat and happy on the Broken Skull Ranch, a well-deserved WWE Hall Of Fame ring on his hand and a legacy that will be remembered by generations of wrestling fans.
But the sepulchral gongs and spectral fumes that seem to herald the awakening of some beast from the black abyss are still spine-tingling. WWE fans mark their calendars in child-like anticipation of the Undertaker’s rare appearances on TV.
One of those appearances will be at the Royal Rumble, titillating as always because it grants a golden ticket to the main event of WrestleMania. Now, the Phenom is known to be a man of few words, mainly because he knows only one way to say them, and that’s point blank.
This past RAW, ‘Taker, like he was engraving a headstone. stated that he would be one of the thirty competitors in the Royal Rumble and without missing a beat, promised that he would headline WrestleMania.
In his almost thirty-year career, the instances of the Undertaker foretelling an end and it not materialising have been few and far between. Even monsters like Goldberg, Strowman and Lesnar will be looking over their shoulders since the Prince of Darkness made his intentions clear.
We’re no strangers to what The Undertaker can do in the ring, but outside it, he’s more elusive than he has been in the WWE for the past few years. We’ve all heard, of course, the tales of him almost choking out Kurt Angle and his hilarious phobia of cucumbers.
However, these other incidents from the book of the Deadman will give us glimpses of his persona that not many are familiar with:
#5 Acid Montoya
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Older fans might remember Justin Credible – he held multiple Hardcore Championships but more importantly, jobbed to CM Punk in the latter’s WWE debut. He was a part of the great depression of the early ‘90s which was characterised by a deluge of absurd gimmicks.
More specifically, he was the “Portuguese Man O’War”, Aldo Montoya. Despite the cringe-worthy character (whose mask, according to some of his fellow wrestlers, looked like a yellow jockstrap), he was taken under the wing of a couple of WWE’s biggest stars at the time, namely Scott Hall and The Undertaker.
Montoya/Credible was part of a WWE tour of Europe and India. The Undertaker was also part of the travelling ensemble. Just before boarding the plane, ‘Taker gave the rookie some acid. Now, most people remember their first acid trip through only the accounts of others. But Montoya, cut from a different cloth, remembers exactly what happened.
A few minutes after the plane took off, the acid kicked in and Montoya was strapped in tight for the ride. Blank-eyed, swooning and not able to tell floor from roof Montoya was, proverbially, in limbo. Undertaker, who was in the seat just in front of the novitiate, noticed this and decided to send him further into the stratosphere.
He turned around, contorted his face and hissed like a cat!!! That’s one way to make sure someone remembers their first acid trip.
#4 Rings, bars - all the same
The next recollection is courtesy of former WWE Superstar, Mideon. According to the former WWE Tag Team Champion (as Phineas I. Godwinn), a group of wrestlers went to a bar. While there, an unnamed wrestler got into an altercation with a big German man. The two grappled into an adjoining room and none of the others could untangle them.
Mideon, who was a member of the Bone Street Krew, the backstage posse that Undertaker and Yokozuna led, recalls that at that moment the Undertaker appeared in the doorway, like John Wayne.
Striding forth, he grabbed both the wrestler and the hulking German by their throats and pinned them against the wall. Now, I suppose, we know why Samuel Colt called his gun “The Peacemaker”.
#3 Who da real gangsta?!
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The next tale originates from the same episode of the Stone Cold podcast, where the distinguished host recounted his wrestling roots. Bruce Prichard AKA Brother Love, The Undertaker’s original manager, was the guest on that iteration.
Prichard narrates that he and ‘Taker wrapped up a show and were en-route to the next venue. Time was of the essence, so neither had time to wash off their make-up. So envision a pair of men, one looking like a blonde, bespectacled Red Skull and another like a giant vampire (Taker hadn’t divested his black coat), tearing through the night in a rented car.
Bizarre wouldn’t even begin to describe the situation.
Hasty as they were, they lost their way and found themselves in a very undesirable part of Chattanooga. So Prichard asked a passer-by for directions, except, the man happened to be a local thug. Seeing as they were out-of-towners, the man started being very flippant.
Now, the hood could see only Prichard, because it was dark and the almost 7-foot Undertaker had pushed his seat back and reclined a little.
Suddenly, the Undertaker catapulted straight up and shot the man a look – with his pale skin and purple eye-bags. Care to guess what happened next? The wiseguy looked like he had seen the Devil; to quote Prichard, he said, “That guy looks like he killed somebody!!!”. The man gave them surgical directions and told them to leave as fast as the car would go.
#2 Jenna Jameson, a cop?
It is beyond doubt that most of our noble and dignified audience aren’t familiar with one Jenna Jameson AKA “The Queen Of Porn”. Well, long before she was bestowed with the title or authored a bestseller, Jameson used to travel in the same circles as the Deadman.
One of their friends used to own a tattoo parlour, where ‘Taker got inked. Believe it or not, this giant of a man was a little wary of Jameson. The reason? He thought she was an undercover cop!!! Now, draw whatever conclusions you may, but ‘Taker was so paranoid about this that he actually asked his friend, the owner if Jameson is a cop!!!
#1 The snake not-so-charmer
In 1991, The Ultimate Warrior as engaged in a feud with The Undertaker, whose “powers of darkness” gave him an edge over the intergalactic gladiator. Warrior sought the help of Jake The Snake Roberts, who ended up betraying him and was revealed to be allied with The Undertaker.
Roberts and the Deadman were a team of sorts, for a while, and would later go on to feud with each other.
The story goes that once, Roberts and Taker went to a strip club where one of the dancers found out that Roberts is a professional wrestler. If he intended for that to be a pick-up line, it backfired horribly. The dancer started slandering Roberts, calling wrestling fake and spitting that his snake was mechanical.
By this point, Undertaker had had enough. He told Roberts to fetch the snake from the car and Roberts acquiesced.
The dancer took the snake and was playing with it, still convinced that it was fake when she got served with the godfather of just desserts. The snake, which didn’t take too kindly to the lady’s protracted invasive fiddling, but her in the, ahem, areola! Looks like the snake and the Undertaker shared the same venom towards haters.
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Edited by Staff Editor
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